


to: the one i love

by yuubaru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Background Relationships, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-04 19:49:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5346452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuubaru/pseuds/yuubaru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koushi Sugawara has one-sided feelings for Daichi Sawamura. Unfortunately, he isn't the only one. When he's confronted by Yui Michimiya and her confession-letter, he's forced to decide to resolve his feelings for Daichi, or to let Yui take away the love of his adolescent life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Koushi was exhausted when he finally left morning practice and filed into the school hallway. He was jog-walking to his first class and, judging by the clocks mounted above every other class room door, he was going to be late. Teachers from the classes that he passed cast disapproving looks as they closed their doors.

The team was too fired up that morning to quit at a sensible time, and Koushi spent even longer after practice making promises with the first years for some extra spiking practice that evening. It wasn't the first time Hinata and Tobio made him late for class, but his homeroom teacher's patience was starting to wear thin, and to someone who never got scolded, that was intimidating.

He knew he couldn't blame the team for the intense practices. He wanted another chance to play against big schools like Shiratorizawa, just like everyone else at Karasuno did after they lost regionals. Sometimes, when he thought about graduation, he felt like he wanted it more than his younger teammates could even imagine.

　　  
　　

Part of him, though, was starting to feel the late-night studying and early-morning practices— in a bad way.

Koushi was battling the glare off the hallway windows when he rounded a corner, and to be fair, he wasn't _really_ watching where he was going. He shouldn't have been surprised when he rushed headlong into Yui Michimiya.

To his complete horror, she stumbled backwards, lost her balance, and fell down on the floor in front of him. A heap of books and loose-leaf notes scattered around them spectacularly and Koushi just watched it happen, totally stupefied.

"Oh— seriously...!" When he finally got his wits about him, he crouched down in front of her and began collecting her things.

 

Yui hadn't realized what hit her (no pun intended) until he plucked up a small, rose-colored envelope, complete with pretty script penned across the front. As soon as he touched it, her face flushed a dark red and she scrambled to grab the letter from him. Koushi wasn't anticipating the... _sound_ that came out of her throat — a squawk of despair — and he yelped too. Then they both froze, the letter clutched between them.

They managed to get a look from another tardy student before Koushi carefully released the envelope. He pushed a stack of books toward her gingerly, afraid of doing more harm than he already had, and began to rise. 

"Uh... sorry about that, Michimiya-san," he said with a tired half-smile. He extended his hand to her, which she took.

"No, no, no. It was my fault." She said, dusting the front of her uniform off with her hands once she was on her feet. She tucked the letter between two of her books, and her worried grimace gave him the excuse he needed to ask her what the matter was.

"Are you okay?" He tried, tilting his head. In spite of humiliating himself by knocking a girl over, complete with a graceful yelp, the concern in his voice was genuine and unbothered. 

　　

Before Yui could come close to a reply, the first bell chimed and the two of them cast a look toward their respective classrooms. Out of a sense of duty, Sugawara waited to see if she would answer him, but she was quiet. He didn't miss the way she bit her lip and fidgeted uncomfortably, so he decided to spare her the agony of explaining herself.

"Erm..." He rubbed the nape of his neck, and then angled his body so that he could continue down the hall. "I should get going, Michimiya-san. Seriously, I'm sorry about running into you. I'll see you later?" Koushi tried to walk past her, giving her an apologetic smile, for all it was worth, but her voice stopped him before he cleared the length of the hall.

　　  
　　

"Sugawara-san!" 

* * *

　　  
_'At first, I thought it was too late to tell you this; it won't be long before we graduate, you know? Then I remembered what you told me and I took your advice, yet again. You were right. It's not over yet.'_ 　　

　　  
_'I know it's silly to say this after all this time, but I wanted to say it before I lost my chance._ 　　

　　  
' _I love you.'_ 　　

　　

Koushi read the last few paragraphs of Yui's letter again and again, and then folded the stationary in-half with a sigh. He tucked it into its cute, pink envelope and then turned it over in his hands.

　　  
　　

_'To: Sawamura Daichi.'_

　　  
He skipped class at Yui's request (he never did that) and was wasting time on the roof before his next class began. He'd probably get in trouble, he thought. Koushi was far from a problem student, but the thing about staying on his teachers' good sides was that they were easy to disappoint if he didn't play his cards right.

Actually, he realized with another sigh, he barely even cared. He closed his eyes and the breeze that picked up tickled the short hair on the back of his neck.

　　  
"Will you give this to Sawamura-kun?" Yui had asked him, clutching the letter with what Koushi imagined as a vice grip, judging by her shaking. They had decided to talk on the roof to avoid being interrupted by any patrolling teachers."Are you sure you want me to do that?" He had tried, doubtful.

"I'm sure. I—" Here, Yui's voice broke. "I can't do it, Sugawara-san."

　　Koushi felt bad for her, and the draw of her brows made it hard for him to tell her 'no'. So, he hadn't. He told Yui that he would hand the letter to Daichi after evening practice and then she left, still shaking. He didn't tell her that he would read it, of course. Koushi could barely stand himself for doing that.

　　  
When he opened his eyes, he decided to carefully stow Yui's letter in his bag, afraid of wrinkling it. As much as he knew Daichi wouldn't like it, Koushi couldn't blame Yui for wanting someone else to hand the letter to him. After all, he knew better than anyone what it was like to harbor secret feelings for Sawamura Daichi.

It was scary. Sometimes, it made him feel downright sick to his stomach.

Daichi was reliable and confident. He was the kind of guy who would turn you down, clear and kind, and he'd still seem like a great guy even while he was breaking your heart. He'd say, 'sorry', just like that, and—

Imagining it made his stomach ache, and Koushi immediately cast the thought from his mind. He had to stop thinking about it.  
　　

Koushi hadn't skipped all of his first class, but he figured he should give himself a decent excuse for missing it, and stood up. He marched to the nurse's office with plenty of time to spare before the next bell, and the whole way there he tried to put on his best 'sick' face.

'Stomach ache' was pretty well received by the nurse, especially since he had a spot-free record at the nurse's office and looked upset, to boot. That seemed to do the trick where his acting skills would have failed him; he didn't have to _pretend_ to feel bad.

Thanks to what Koushi thought was a little favoritism, the nurse pulled a curtain around his cot so that he could lay in comfortable, shady silence, and didn't ask too many questions about his 'stomach ache'. It did wonders for him, because exhaustion crept upon him within a few minutes, and he realized with a few slow blinks that he was more tired than he thought. He yawned, and tried with all his might to push thoughts of the spring tournament, of Yui Michimiya and her sweet love-letters, and of Sawamura Daichi far, far away.

　　  
　　

 

* * *

　　  
He woke up a while later, one side of the curtain around his cot had been pulled aside, casting sunlight from the adjacent window across his skin. It was warm and refreshing, and made that morning's events seem unreal. Koushi stretched out his arms and yawned the kind of yawn he saved for his bedroom, when no one was around to see it happen. He felt better. When he decided that he was feeling alert enough to go back to class, he slid over to the edge of the cot and then onto his feet. As far as he could tell, the nurse wasn't in and there was no one there to assume he wasn't still asleep. So, instead of putting his shoes on and going back to class he crossed the section of floor between his cot and the window and threw it open.

He sucked in a huge breath of air, comforted by the breeze that lazily rolled into the office. Koushi sat there for a few minutes, watching a crow hop across the sandy lot below the window.

"Don't you have something better to do?" He asked it, but it paid him no mind. He was shaking his head when a voice rose up behind him.

"Who are you talking to?"

Koushi turned with a small start and noticed Daichi standing in the doorway. He was leaning into the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest, casting a half-smile in his direction. The sight made Koushi's stomach tighten with butterflies.

"This crow." He answered with confidence, followed by a short laugh. He nudged his chin in the direction of the small, black bird below the window sill. To Koushi's complete shock, it immediately hopped a few paces away from the window and then darted around the corner of the building. Daichi was walking over while it made its escape.

"What crow?" He sounded doubtful when he joined the other boy. Sure enough, the crow was gone.

"I know it's going to sound like I'm lying, but it was just there."

"Right. Until I walked over, and then it ran away?"

"That's exactly what happened!" 

"Sure." Daichi was smirking at him now.

Koushi laughed. He was comfortable enough around Daichi that he didn't need to save face, so he didn't even bother defending his case. He hummed, leaning into the wall by the window.

"You caught me. I was talking to myself." Koushi said.

"Better than talking to me like that. I almost got my feelings hurt."

Koushi recalled that he said something like, 'don't you have better things to do', and smirked at the idea of saying something like that to Daichi with any real malice.

"Huh? You almost got your feelings hurt?" Koushi repeated, lifting his brows. "I didn't know you had feelings like the rest of us, Mr. Cool-and-Collected. This is a complete shock to me right now." His tone did nothing to betray genuine curiosity, but he knew better than most people did that Daichi, although genuinely cool, got upset and got scared. It was easy to forget when he was steeling his expression to deliver a motivating speech to his team, and most people assumed that his skills as a leader came without years of practice. 

"C'mon," Daichi snorted. "Don't give me that. I feel things too, sometimes."

"Just sometimes." Koushi challenged light-heartedly.

"Yeah. Sometimes." Was Daichi's easy reply, and he looked over at Koushi.

Both of them wore smiles reminiscent of their good moods, but suddenly, Koushi became painfully aware of the close proximity of their bodies — their arms were almost touching — and the small, stuffy office that they had all to themselves. He felt pinned down by Daichi's dark eyes.

With an unsteady breath, he looked away, hoping that the warmth in his cheeks was all in his head and that he wasn't actually blushing.

"What are you doing here?" Koushi asked next. Daichi didn't seem to notice his discomfort, judging by the relaxed flutter of his eyes as a breeze rushed into them.

"You never made it to class, so I said that I had to go to the toilet. I thought you'd be here."

"It's bad to skip class, you know." Koushi said, wondering how Daichi had any idea that he was in the nurse's office, of all places. He rarely ever visited the nurse.

"Same to you."

"I'll have you know that I'm here with permission. I..." Koushi was going to mention his stomach ache but he thought twice about it, wondering if Daichi would tell him to not to come to practice that afternoon. It wasn't like his stomach ache was the result of an actual sickness (love sickness wasn't, by definition, a medical problem), and he definitely didn't want to miss practice for no good reason.

So, he trailed awkwardly until he came up with a genius, "I was just tired." It wasn't a lie.

Daichi turned away from the window and Koushi felt like it was easier to breathe, right away. His captain sat down on the edge of the cot and looked at Koushi with a level gaze.

"Are you alright?" He asked. Koushi knew that was coming. The genuine concern in Daichi's eyes made his heart ache.

"Yeah. Of course." He replied, but it hung in the air uncomfortably for a few beats.

A bland silence settled between them after that. Koushi was sure the quiet had ended the conversation, but Daichi was watching him thoughtfully when he looked over at him again. "Sometimes I worry..." Daichi began, but he had a little trouble with his words and paused. A beat later, he tried again. "I think you're pushing yourself too much. —Lately."

Koushi's heart leaped for the second time since he entered the nurse's office, but he tried to acknowledge with some sober thought that Daichi was his captain and that he was damn good at his job. Of course he'd be worried about his vice-captain. He tried to keep that in mind when he squared his shoulders to reply. He tried to keep the affection out of his eyes, but he doubted it was working. 

Koushi took a few careful steps toward the cot and Daichi raised his eyes when he was nearby. They maintained quiet eye-contact for several moments, and then he shot Daichi his most reassuring smile.

"You know, I really love volleyball." He began, eyes narrowing fondly at the worried and slightly awkward Daichi Sawamura; the Daichi who had skipped class just to ask him if he was 'alright'.

"I'm alright." It sounded firm. He meant it. As far as practice was concerned, as far as the team was concerned, he was alright.

Daichi blinked like he was surprised by something. Just for good measure, Koushi gave him a thumbs-up. They were already standing together pretty closely, but the hand gesture took up a lot of space between them and Koushi only realized then that Daichi had leaned back on his hands to look up at him.

 

"Sugawara-san?" The nurse's voice startled both of them.

She sounded suspicious from where she stood in the doorway, trying to decide if Daichi was another teenager playing hooky. She probably received them on a daily basis. Daichi scrambled awkwardly off the cot, and Koushi looked stiff.

"Yes." They both answered, and Koushi shot Daichi an imploring frown. _You're not 'Sugawara-san'_.

Daichi realized his mistake and raised his hands in surrender, but the nurse was having none of it. She frowned impatiently and then waved her hand.

"Sugawara-san, I think you're well enough to return to class. Or should I call home for you?"

"No, thank you. I'm okay." He replied.

"Sawamura-san, are you feeling unwell?"

"Uh. No, not really."

"You're both dismissed to return to class." She frowned at them again over her glasses, and sat down at her desk like she was very busy with the folder waiting on top of it. They exchanged awkward smiles and then filed out of the nurse's office together.

It only occured to Koushi once he was standing outside that he left his bag and jacket by his cot, but when he made a soft, _'oh'_ , and tried to enter the office again, Daichi stopped him.

"I got 'em." He said, amused. His voice was soft.

As he caught a glimpse of a neat, pink corner sticking out of the front pocket of his bag, it suddenly struck Koushi that Daichi was holding the very bag that had a love letter addressed _to him_ inside of it. _'To: Sawamura Daichi'_ , was right on the front. Koushi knew he was being paranoid, but when he grabbed the bag from Daichi, it was just a little too quick; a little too nervous.

"Thanks." He said quietly.

Daichi raised an eyebrow and relented the jacket as well.

"Let's go?" He suggested, and Daichi nodded.

As they walked back to class, Koushi chided himself for not just giving the letter to Daichi right then. It was just as good an opportunity as any, but he decided it was a better idea to torture himself with the time bomb that was Yui Michimiya's love letter for just a little longer. With a sigh, he opened their classroom door. Daichi stood behind him, just a little taller than he was, and Koushi instantaneously regretted the decision to enter first. Daichi didn't have to receive looks from the entire class.

"Sugawara? Where have you been?" His teacher's voice greeted him with disapproval, right away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suga finally reveals his feelings for Daichi... to Kageyama.

Afterschool practice was long and grueling that day. The team had split into two groups and were facing off as opponents. On one side of the net, Kageyama was delivering a flawless performance as setter. On the other side, Koushi, although confident in his abilities, was struggling to keep up.  He certainly gave Kageyama and his group — Daichi’s group — a run for their money. With Tanaka’s powerful spikes, Koushi’s setting skills, and the combined force Hinata’s quicks and Nishinoya’s talent as a libero, the team members on their side of the net were holding their ground until the very last set. 

In the end, they lost by a marginally small amount due to the spectacular combination of Daichi and Tsukishima’s defense.  Hinata was yelling at Kageyama through the net — the sound of a sore loser not lost on Koushi’s ears— bounding this way and then that way. Kageyama was getting increasingly more angry. Miraculously, the rest of the team was able to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of their play over the sound of Kageyama promising threats to Hinata’s well being. They kept their heads low, deciding which methods worked best and how they would play better during the next practice. 

There was a practice game with Nekoma next week. There would be time to improve before then. If they move a little quicker, and cover up their weaknesses this way, then they could steal some points and prevent any losses. 

This, and this, and this. 

To Koushi, it was all noise. His mind was far away. He clutched the ball between his hands, focusing hard in an effort to recall every move he made during their practice game. Sweat rolled down his temples, and dripped into his eyes. 

If only he had been a little more accurate. If only he had read his spikers a little better. 

 

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there contemplating his tosses, trying to imagine where his performance was weakest. In the thick of it he heard his name, and he looked up. 

"Oi, Suga.” It was Daichi. Next to him, Asahi was watching Koushi expectantly, if not with some curiosity. “You ready? We’re about to head out.” 

Sure enough, most of the team had dispersed to change, or they were getting close to it. Koushi was going to reply, but Hinata and Kageyama stopped him short.  “Sugawara-senpai!” They shouted in unison, standing right in front of him with their arms straight down their sides. Kageyama bowed his head a little. 

“Please teach us!”

“I want to hit more tosses!” 

Kageyama shot Hinata a look, and Koushi snorted. He turned back to Daichi and Asahi. 

“You guys go ahead. I promised these two we’d practice a little extra,” he said, tossing the ball to Kageyama’s quick and expectant hands. Even without predicting the toss, he caught the ball perfectly, like it was meant to be there. 

“You guys,” Daichi began, frowning, “We had a hard practice today.” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Koushi assured him with a smile that wouldn’t hear otherwise. It was his own secret weapon: a smile that left no room for arguing. It was a formidable opponent to Daichi’s ‘Do-It-Or-You’ll-Die’ smile, and Koushi didn’t utilize it often. 

“We’re just going to cool down while I give them some advice,” he added for Daichi’s peace of mind, and that seemed to at last call their captain off. 

“Alright,” he said, sighing, “Don’t stay too long. The principle has been on our case about it.” 

“Yes!” The three of them sang it in unison. 

 

* * *

 

 When he departed from Hinata and Tobio an hour later, Koushi was exhausted yet again. His nap in the nurse’s office hadn’t helped much in the grand scheme of things, and now he had a long, quiet trek home. He could hear Hinata and Tobio behind him, talking in voices that Koushi would dare to call conversational and it struck him that the pair had been getting along better and better, these days.

They would make a power-house team next year, if Tanaka and Nishinoya’s skills kept developing at the rate they were. Hinata and Kageyama had been developing their own talents, but it still stood as a well-known fact that they were a combination to be reckoned with. And they loved volleyball so much that they wouldn’t stand to be anything but the best. Koushi could imagine, with perfect clarity, their beaming smiles as they dominated the court together. 

The thought made Koushi a little sad— because in that daydream, he isn’t on the court with them. 

He’s in the stands. 

Koushi sighed without realizing it, his next thought being — with little surprise to his adolescent heart **—**  about Daichi. He wondered if being ‘in the stands’ was something he’d have to get used to. That’s how it felt, being the bearer of Yui’s love letter. As if Daichi and Yui were on the court, and he was waiting in the bleachers, desperate to tap-in for her but unable to even play the game.  

A small part of him was relieved that Hinata and Kageyama pulled him aside for some extra practice. If they hadn’t, Koushi, Daichi, and Asahi would have walked home together, and Koushi would’ve had none the better opportunity to give Daichi the confession letter than when Asahi reached his house first, and left them alone. 

On the other hand, Koushi really treasured the last stretch of his walk home, when he and Daichi had the most time to talk. They never talked about anything important, but it was the one time during the day when they could talk about video games, or dinner, or anything other than volleyball and graduation. 

Sometimes they stopped in the park or went to a convenience store together. Sometimes Daichi invited him over. Either way, it was better than this long, quiet walk home by himself. 

 

When he heard approaching footsteps on the path behind him, Koushi knew better than to expect Daichi. He knew better, and yet he was still surprised when he turned around and found Kageyama instead. 

Of course, he chided himself. Daichi went home ages ago. Then he blinked. It didn’t make sense for Kageyama to be there, either. Especially without Hinata. Koushi blinked at him again, opening his mouth and stopping on the path in front of him. 

They gazed at one another, neither knowing exactly what to say, until Koushi came up with a genius, “Where’s Hinata?” 

“That idiot forgot he had errands.” 

Koushi offered him a small (albeit confused) smile, and then took up stride next to him. 

“You two are getting along rather nicely,” Koushi tried, cheerful. Kageyama flushed deeply, and Koushi swore that he saw a vein bulge above his temple. 

“Not really,” he evaded. Koushi hummed noncommittally in response. 

 

They walked in undisturbed quiet for a while. Koushi wasn’t sure exactly where Kageyama lived, but he  _was_ sure that it wasn’t nearby. He hesitated to begin a conversation, worried that Kageyama would have to detour before they could cover many of his talking points. 

It was Kageyama who broke the quiet. 

“Senpai,” he began, brows furrowed, “Are you...” 

Kageyama’s voice trailed off, and he looked like he was trying with all his might to will the words past his lips. Koushi was a patient young man, but he wasn’t above pushing him for the rest of the question. 

“Hm?” 

“No, it’s nothing. It’s just that, today, you seemed a little off.” 

“Oh. Did I?” Koushi was surprised. He knew he  _felt_ a ‘little off’, but he wasn’t aware that it was obvious. Kageyama was perceptive on the court but incredibly thick when it came to other people. That meant it must’ve been  _really_ obvious. 

 

A beat later, Koushi realized that his reply wasn’t really a reply at all, and he cleared his throat. 

“I don’t feel well today, that’s all.” He shot Kageyama a grin, and then nudged him in his side. Kageyama was taken by surprise, and looked at Koushi, scandalized. 

“Were you worried about me?” He asked, cheeky. 

“That..!” Kageyama was flustered, but Koushi accredited that to the fact that he probably didn’t have a lot of experience with being teased. 

“It’s just that I wanted to get the most out of practice today, and it seemed like you were distracted.” It could have sounded like a complaint, but all Koushi registered was the distinct sound of disappointment in his voice. That, and Koushi couldn't be offended in the face of Kageyama's full-throttle honesty. 

“I’m sorry,” Koushi began, “I’m going to get some proper sleep tonight, so maybe tomorrow...?” 

Kageyama nodded, but he didn’t look Koushi in the eyes. If Kageyama was anything it was, at times, honest to a fault. Koushi could tell that he had genuinely wanted the most from practice, and so he was hit with a nauseating wave of guilt when he recalled the distant way he had guided Hinata and Tobio through their drills. They had done everything sincerely — leaped beyond expectations, tossed with fervor that was meant for a championship game — and it was Koushi who had been lacking in his guidance. His mind had been so far away from volleyball. 

 

A few more beats of silence passed between them, and then Koushi — in an effort to make it up to his underclassman — asked, “Kageyama, how does Hinata like his tosses?” 

Kageyama gave him a look, trying to scrutinize the question. 

“Fast. He doesn’t think before he hits it, so it’s easier when his window of opportunity is smaller.” 

“And what about when he’s upset?” 

“He can’t hit them when he’s upset.”

“C’mon,” Koushi frowned, encouraging him for a different answer. 

“... When we’re behind in the set, he focuses more, I guess. I can give him a more calculated toss. He’s pretty awful at hitting them if they’re not quicks, though.” 

Koushi ignored the dig at Hinata to further his interrogation, trying to make a point. “And what about me? How do I like my tosses when I’m upset?” 

“I don’t toss to you during games.” 

“Humor me, would you? What if we’re in practice?” 

Kageyama didn’t like the intensive questioning, but he looked like he was thinking about it earnestly. 

“I don’t know,” He finally said, disgruntled, unable to come to an answer.  

“When I get upset, I start thinking too much. I’m pretty good at keeping a cool head, but my mind is working a mile a minute— so I don’t like my tosses quick. I like taking my time to calculate the spike. 

“I think a really great setter pays attention to his teammates, and knows how to cater his tosses to them. You’ve got a ton of natural talent, Kageyama, but I think where your setting could improve most is in your attention to the people around you. I meant to tell you that during practice. I’m sorry that I was so out-of-it. ” 

 

When Koushi finished, Kageyama was quiet. His brow was furrowed so intensely that Koushi thought about teasing him for it. He thought better of it in the end, waiting to hear what his underclassman would reply with. If Kageyama wanted to, he could tell Koushi to fuck right off and then walk home. Koushi wouldn’t blame him for it, it wasn’t like he specifically asked for critique, but he also knew Kageyama better than that.

After what felt like an eternity, Kageyama mumbled, “Were you upset today?”  

 Kageyama’s voice was so quiet and the question was so unexpected that Koushi thought he heard wrong. And then he realized he heard right. Koushi blinked his eyes wide and—coughed. 

“What?” He managed to choke out, when he caught his breath.

“You said you think too much when you’re upset,” Kageyama was fiercely defensive now, “Today you looked like you were thinking a lot.” 

Koushi didn’t know what to say, so he watched Kageyama with wide-eyed wonder. Perhaps he didn’t give Kageyama enough credit in his perceptiveness. Or perhaps he was just  _that_ obvious, after all. Good god, did anyone else notice? 

“Was that wrong? Just tell me, instead of staring like that.” 

“No, no,” Koushi was quick, throwing his hands up in a placating gesture, “That isn’t wrong. You’re right, I... I was upset.” 

Saying it out loud, to someone who was listening, made his shoulders feel lighter. It didn't remove the lead-heavy weight in his stomach, but Koushi felt like he could breathe a little better. He was still watching Kageyama with wonder, and his underclassman squirmed under his gaze. Obviously, that was as far as Kageyama intended to go in his questioning. Maybe, Koushi thought, he didn’t actually have very much experience comforting someone else and so he didn’t know how to handle the situation from here. 

The fact that he asked in spite of his discomfort brought an easy smile to Koushi’s lips. 

“Something happened today,” He began, “Actually, a lot of somethings happened. A lot of somethings have  _been_ happening, and now I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by it all.” 

“I don’t really understand,” Kageyama was frowning again.

“Sorry. It’s a little complex.” 

“Maybe you’re thinking too hard about it.” 

 

Koushi was caught off guard once more. He definitely didn’t give enough credit to Kageyama’s perceptiveness. 

“Who taught you to talk to your upperclassmen like that?” Koushi asked him, instead of giving Kageyama a direct answer. Kageyama huffed in response, looking away. 

“Sorry. It’s not really my business. Just forget it,” He mumbled, embarrassed. 

 Koushi was going to try and answer him honestly. He didn’t know if he was thinking too much, or if the situation was really as hellish as he thought it was. If it was as hellish as it felt. 

He was going to try, but fate would have it another way. 

 

Before he could say anything, four middle school boys rushed headlong into Koushi’s back, and he pitched forward. For just a moment, everything was chaos. The boys were all caught between apologies and squealing at whatever the tallest one had clutched in his hands, and they didn’t stop. They kept barreling down the pavement, and Koushi, in all of his irritation and after a good look at their expressions, didn’t want to know what they were running away with. In fact, he was too busy trying not to topple over. 

Kageyama was in shock, but he reached out to catch Koushi. When he grabbed his arm, Koushi’s bag slung gracelessly off his shoulder, and onto the ground. And by some divine twist of fate, Yui’s confession letter — and his homework, though he hardly cared — came sailing out of the front-most pocket. 

He cursed at himself for not securing the letter in a more secretive place. And then he cursed the fact that this was the second time in one day that he had collided with someone. In fact, he might have cursed out loud. As he thought about all of the things he could’ve done to deserve this, he noticed that the letter had fallen face-up on the ground in front of them, with its addressee’s name on full display. 

Koushi’s eyes were wide, and then Kageyama’s were too, as they both looked at the pink envelope decorating the cement in front of their feet. 

 

_‘To: Sawamura Daichi’._

 

Koushi was dumbfounded, unable to move an inch, so it was Kageyama who picked it up. He turned it over in his hands, as if the front was a secret that Kageyama had a sense to protect, and then frowned at the heart-shaped sticker that had obviously been tampered with on the back. He handed it to Koushi without much else.  

“This—” Koushi’s voice was too loud. He was worried about what Kageyama would assume. Would a normal person assume it was a confession letter, or was Koushi being too paranoid? Would Kageyama assume it was  _his_ confession letter to Daichi? Koushi didn’t have the impromptu cool to play it off, so he simply gaped. 

Honestly, he had no reason to be this terrified. It  _wasn’t_ his confession letter to Daichi. It was Yui’s, and that was far more acceptable in the eyes of society than the alternative. He could be honest and it would clear up the misunderstanding without a hitch. However, all of Koushi’s guilt, and all of Koushi’s frustration, was wrapped up in that pretty, pink envelope. And Koushi felt like it had all been exposed in one spectacular accident. 

“This isn’t mine,” Koushi said quickly, tucking the envelope back into his bag. This time he made sure to unzip it and put the letter away with his math notebook. No one would look for a love letter there, much less want to touch his math notebook out of their own free-will. 

“I’m supposed to deliver it for a friend, so...” 

 

“Does that have anything to do with why you’re upset?” Was all his underclassman asked, noticing Koushi's expression. Sure, Kageyama’s face was beet red, so his assumptions were exactly what he feared they would be, but there was not an ounce of judgment in the question. In fact, there was something in Kageyama’s eyes that Koushi couldn’t place. He was waiting for his answer with a sincerity that he didn’t understand. 

Maybe he even sounded hopeful. 

 

Koushi felt like all of his nerves were exposed; felt terrified of what Kageyama would think of him. But he didn’t want to lie. It  _was_  the reason for his terrible day. 

He could’ve handled the stress of volleyball practice on very little sleep, and he could’ve handled the stress of graduation. He could’ve handled all of that, and dealt with his unrequited feelings for the captain of his volleyball team, but he obviously couldn’t handle having his unrequited love taken away from him. He couldn’t handle that, on top of everything else.

 Koushi simply stood there, his eyes stinging and his mouth pressed into a tight line. He wouldn’t dare do anything as embarrassing as cry in front of his underclassman, so he took a moment to steel himself. He sucked in a huge breath. 

“Yeah,” He finally said, voice clear and somber, putting forth every ounce of emotion that he felt. He was quick, and he was quiet, but Koushi told him everything.  

 

Okay, so perhaps it wasn’t everything. But he told Kageyama that he didn’t want to leave the Karasuno volleyball team, that graduation felt like a time bomb, ticking down to a single moment when he would say ‘goodbye forever’ to the last three years, and that he had been in love with Daichi Sawamura for exactly that long. 

He told Kageyama about Yui, and made sure to give her the credit for the beautiful penmanship on the front of the envelope. His own handwriting wasn’t quite that nice. 

 

He expected Kageyama to make a face like he wasn’t ready for everything that Koushi told him, but he never did. Instead, he listened with that all-too-serious expression of his, save for the few times that he would blush fiercely and look away, like he couldn’t handle some aspect of Koushi’s emotional dilemma. That aspect was, in fact, anything that had to do with confessions or unrequited love. Koushi pondered that in the back of his mind, storing that information away for later, when he wasn’t in the middle of a meltdown. 

When all was said and done, the two of them were still standing right there on the sidewalk, and Koushi was relieved to see that the world hadn’t ended, or that Kageyama wasn’t looking at him in complete disgust. Of course, Kageyama Tobio was not that type of young man. In fact, he was the type of young man who listened to things sincerely, and who was obviously searching for some type of advice to give Koushi. The sight — the quiet shame of not knowing what to say — made Koushi’s heart squeeze with pity. 

 

“I know that this...” Koushi sucked in a breath, “This is a lot. I just have to find a better way to deal with it.” 

“What are you going to do?” Kageyama was watching him. 

“I don’t know. But it felt good to say it.” Surprising even himself, Koushi laughed. — It bubbled up in his chest completely against his will. It was strange, but the simple act of laughing began to unravel the tight knot in Koushi’s stomach. Kageyama watched him, confused, probably wondering if he had finally snapped under the pressure. 

“Maybe I’ll just come clean about everything,” He finally sighed, laughter still in his voice. “Maybe that’s the answer. I feel better after telling you.” 

A beat passed, and then Koushi scrambled to say, “Oh, speaking of— I’m sorry, Kageyama. I didn’t really want to get you involved, it just...” 

_‘It all just came out,’_ he wanted to say. 

“I asked. It’s fine,” Kageyama replied without batting an eye, tucking his hands into his pockets. 

Koushi blinked, gave Kageyama a rueful smile, and then made to keep walking down the street. After that they walked together without saying much — neither of them knowing exactly  _what_  to say— and before long, Kageyama stopped at a corner. 

 “I have to go this way.” Kageyama pointed to the other side of the street, looking guilty. 

“Oh. Of course. I knew you were around here somewhere. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” He began to wave,  incredibly awkward that he hadn’t thought of one single thing to talk about, after confessing his unrequited feelings to Kageyama, of all people. 

He just about had a crisis, unloaded his emotional baggage onto his unsuspecting underclassman, and then had the nerve not to walk Kageyama all the way home or... Pay him, or anything, for all his trouble. Not to mention, Kageyama became so quiet afterward; maybe he was troubled by it, after all. 

He was thinking about how he might not be able to look Kageyama in the eye the next day at school, as he watched the other boy’s back retreat past the corner, when Kageyama’s voice rose up unexpectedly just a few moments later. 

In fact, he was shuffling back toward him. Kageyama power-walked to the place right in front of him. 

“See you tomorrow,” he said, perhaps just as awkward as Koushi felt. And then he flushed scarlet. Kageyama began furiously wiping at the spot above his lip, giving his hands something to do.

The sight made all of Koushi’s awkwardness — all of the unsure anxiety (that had nothing to do with his anxiety concerning Daichi) — disappear, immediately replaced with a peculiar sense of warmth. He couldn’t say for sure, but he suspected that Kageyama was pushing himself outside of his normal social protocol for his sake. The thought made him feel relieved (and a little embarrassed, honestly). 

Koushi grinned at Kageyama. 

“See you tomorrow.” 

* * *

  

The last stretch of his walk home was spent absolutely on his own, but following the last hour’s events, Koushi needed the quiet time for himself and for his thoughts. 

 

What he told Kageyama wasn’t a lie. He did feel better after confessing the truth to him. Koushi had still promised to hand Daichi the letter, and there was no avoiding how much that was going to suck, but he had the option of coming clean to him about his own feelings, too.

With graduation well on its way, it might have been the best time to tell him. If things went very wrong, they could call their relationship quits, and use graduating and moving onto college as an excuse to put some distance between them. 

The thought was a terrible one, and it made his stomach turn. His breath caught.   

He remembered all of Daichi’s reassuring smiles, all the rough hands against his back, every gut-wrenching laugh that they had shared, and felt devastated at the thought of losing it all in one terrifying moment. Koushi wasn’t sure what Daichi would tell him, how he would let him down, but he knew that it would all come down to the same thing: an ending.

 

He understood, now, the gravity of what Yui was feeling. For both of them, this was either the end, or the beginning, of something great. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i remember saying one entire year ago that i was going to update this fic every other week AND HERE WE ARE, 365 DAYS LATER. i have nothing to say except, i'm sorry, and that i'm at a place in my life when maybe i can dedicate some more time to fics and my writing - so hopefully this won't happen again 
> 
> this update was a little short, but the next one will be filled with even more exciting developments. 
> 
> also: please go easy on me when it comes to formatting mistakes, it's been a great struggle.

**Author's Note:**

> this work and my other on-going work are my current projects; they'll probably alternate on updates. please check them out! this work started out as a small drabble, but turned into something dangerous and time-consuming.


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